Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
