shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
