Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
