final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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