this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
