Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
