girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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