Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i think i have two assholes
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
