He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
