I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
