I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
