i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
