So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
