Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
