just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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