Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
