haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
