I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
