Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
