My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
