guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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