Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
