oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
