I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
