i think my tv is drunk
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
