worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
