I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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