i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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