remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
