The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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