Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
