standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
