hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I want her autograph on my taint
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
