between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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