Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
