Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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