I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
