I must be too annoying 4 u.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
