She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
