it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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