I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
