If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
