Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I can't turn off my feet"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
