I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
