She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
