I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
