I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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