If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
