WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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