haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
