First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
