Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't deserve a penis
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
And then my night got REAL pukey
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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