I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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