Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
