i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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