God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
