It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
