I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just want nice things and good sex
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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